I have started working recently for my mom’s neighbor part-time. As a contractor, he does quite a bit of home improvement work here in the area. Since I also know he is reading this, I will keep it nicey nice. The short of it……his work style is much different from mine…..it is a disaster! You would think this would be an ideal situation because he needs his very own project manager, and I need a job. But he can’t afford to hire me for that, and I prefer to be paid in cash and not fill out government type paperwork. Thus, I spend my days a multitude of ways: painting, ripping up carpet, cleaning outside grills, organizing shit, playing with frogs, or doing handstands in the yard (oh wait, he wasn’t supposed to know that…..er, I mean I was raking up leaves and rocks….yea, that’s better!)
The first day on our new job was at this fat ass pad down in Julington Creek (not that you really know/care where that might be). He told me to be ready to go at his house at 8:30am. Being the Type-Anal-Retentive person I am, I set my alarm for 7am, even though I usually am up, I wanted to make sure I wasn’t late. I woke up, got ready, made my lunch, and arrived promptly at 8:25am to find he was no where close to being ready. Keep in mind, he had already been working on this project for a few days prior to tricking me to join in on the fun, so he had been pulling some pretty late nights to get the house ready before His and Her Jackassholiness (props to LHC!) moved in. In fact, he locked his truck keys in his truck the first night he was working and wasn’t able to get home until some unGAWDly hour of the early morning when he finally freed them from the Tundra.
As you can imagine then, the morning I showed up he looked haggard and discombobulated. His 2-year-old daughter was wreaking as much havoc on his psyche as she possibly could before she had to be to daycare – which really only took about two tears and a scream in his fragile state. By about 9:15am he had the truck packed and his daughter ready to move, so we jumped in and took off for the day. But, first, we had to stop at the paint store to get supplies needed for the job that afternoon. He still had to order the paint, mind you, because of the key fiasco the night before, he had been unable to get that little task accomplished. Seeing that I would need a whole lot of energy to keep up with the disarray, I went down to get Starbucks and got a high maintenance latte (Grande, soy, no whip, no foam, cinnamon dolche latte). When I got back, the paint was ordered and we were off to drop Ms. Whiny Butt Jeans at school, which was midway between the house and the job.
As non-efficiently as possible, we had to head back the opposite direction to pick up the paint, and then head back down South towards the job. But! We still had to stop at Lowe’s to get some other crap and by this time it is lunch, so we might as well pick that up to, right? Now many of you fellow Type-A’s reading this are probably wondering how was it even possible for me not to lose my shit by this point? Fortunately enough, school is in session and I have LOTS of reading that I need to do, so I had brought a book with me and tackled a big chunk of reading while my boss ran around like a chicken with his head cut off.
We finally arrived on site just shy of 1pm to get the party started. Although, we did get quite a bit of work done, I had a date with a hot girl and a martini at 7:30pm, thus we had to leave NO later than 6pm….give or take 20 minutes, he took 20 minutes. We arrived back at the house by 7:20pm, I was ready by 7:30pm (shower and all) and headed a few blocks away to a local café to meet my friend. Not bad for a first day’s work as an illegal alien. I know, I know – Best. Job. EVER!
I am also happy to report that the next day went more smoothly – I drove my own car.