“There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships.”
I caught myself in the midst of raging doubt this week about a new friendship. The doubt stemmed from wondering if this person was really worth being friends with. We have all had those conversations with ourselves at some point. Driving home from a yoga class, it dawned on me that I was to blame for creating all of the suffering in the relationship. The suffering was brought about because he hadn’t met my expectations. The expectations were really the cause and conditions centered about my own ego. Being centered on my own ego, and involved in my own negative self talk of doubt and defeat, I chose to think that he was doing something to intentionally hurt me.
In reality, he was doing nothing but living his life. My misery was derived from an old habit drawn about in my own mind that people are unreliable and untrustworthy. This has poisoned me for far too long. So, I asked myself, “Laura, is this the best you can do with your thoughts?”. Coming back to the fourth agreement, I had an A-HA moment – this is what it means to do your best! At that moment in the car, I thought, “No, this isn’t one of my finer moments and thinking these negative thoughts about myself and someone else is NOT the best I can do.”
Each day, I try to catch the thoughts as they arise and remind myself that I have chosen to let go of the fear, surrender my need to control the outcome, and trust that this new friendship will offer me the opportunity to learn and grow – and THAT is the best I can do.